Bryce
This weekend was pretty low key with us having a date night, binging Killing Eve, and finishing up packing. Thanks Ann and James for rounding out the list with a white noise machine and Nintendo Switch.
My Precious
The highlight of the weekend, if you want to call it that, was shaving my head. One of my fears in life which now seems trivial was going bald. I shaved my head once in 8th grade (maybe 9th), and it wasn’t a good look. As a poor sophomore in college I noticed globs hair on my business foundations homework bought Rogaine at Walmart to prevent further hair loss. After a couple of months using Rogaine I realized it didn’t help with receding hairlines….$80 wasted.
Let’s Do This
Saturday started with a lingering question of “is today the day?” The clippers were charged, and I decided to rip the band aid off. We went outside and MB started shaving my head. I cried. It wasn’t an ugly cry but tears were shed. I wasn’t sad about losing my beautiful hair, but rather the enormity of the situation seemed to hit in that moment. “I have leukemia.” ”What does this mean for me? How does this affect our family? What does this do to our odds of making a family? What’s life like after this? Is this the best I’ll feel for the next couple years? Why have I been saving for a retirement?”
After a few minutes of sorrow and “why me(s)”, I collected myself and MB finished buzzing my head. It turns out that shaving my head wasn’t as frightening as I thought, and I’m hopeful discovering the answers to these questions won’t be as well.
As I’m finishing this blog post I realized I wasn’t completely truthful. The highlight of the weekend was date night. MB got dressed up and I played the cancer card and wore a t shirt and shorts 🙂 We cooked spaghetti and meatballs my mom dropped off earlier in the week which was great and the company was excellent.
Metrics that Matter
Moving forward each post will contain a scorecard of how I’m feeling. I’m interested to see how the feels change over time and how my perception of the scale also changes.
- Physical feels: 7/10 – fatigued with a slight headache possibly due to anemia and hopefully not cancer in my brain
- Emotional feels: 7/10 – optimistic and ready to start treatment offset by knowing I won’t see MB for a month
- Butt: still intact
- This may make more sense after reading about my packing list
Tomorrow’s Plans
We have an appointment with Dr. V at UAMS, and hopefully, I’m admitted for treatment afterwards.
